sometimes disappointment jz seems to permeate into every crevice of my being. it seems imperative for me to compromise with my inner soul, thereby coming up with a consensus. i may give out an aura of independence and hence seeming to possess that tenacity crucial for this nightmare, but what if my breath cannot hold on that long? i am utterly baffled by this whole experience and its rationale. wait, that is if some form of logical rationale, or rather a purpose is embedded in them. this whole prestige can indeed be rather beguiling at first, but ironically, they can be the same powerful force that fills my life with bleakness. now i cant seem to stop contemplating about "that" future that my mindset is rather fixed on, perhaps words that used to convince me ----- though seemingly blindly now, have reached an expiry date or something? i treasure veracity much more than anything else, not inconvenient truths, but rather words that i can hold one accountable for. sometimes, surge of emotions, be it due to randomness or anything else possible, does evoke a sense of incredulity in me that i am feeling in this manner. what's with this dreary setbacks, or rather is this some kind of attrition happening in a girl's life, such that she needs to fight back. or is this just destiny? no way am i going to accept that.
no way.
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